Angels and Bats

I got to go to a marital therapy conference today and must say I enjoyed it despite a random blinding migraine (wish I could get rid of those). It is great to live in an area that has such an investment in marriage and family. The Utah Coalition on Marriage subsidizes the event and has a pretty good web-site as well at http://www.utahmarriage.org/. The presenter, John van Epp, has written a book called, "How to not fall in Love With a Jerk". The title sounds kind of humorous but the topic was actually very substantive. One part I found interesting and made intuitive sense was that how a person pictures their partner in their mind has a huge impact on their attitude toward their partner...more than the actual reality of their partner. His theory is based in attachment theories concept of object permanence. As a relationship starts out people picture their partner in primarily positive ways, but as the relationship goes on it becomes more of a choice to be aware of the negatives but hold the positive picture of our partner in mind (especially in times of stress or dissention). The presenter used the above picture as an example. I only saw bats (demons) at first (tells where my mind must be) but there are angels and bats. Van Epp discussed how in any relationship if we attempt to hold the positive pictures and keep those in our memory it can make rough times much easier to work through. Even with my kids, not that I don't have great kids, but I think this could be helpful. With the inevitable ebbs and flows of teenagerhood, pubertal mood swings, difficulties with chores etc., to hold in mind the positives, when negatives are tossed at me, would be a great help to me. Something for me to try to practice. Anyway it gives me something to think about...and I really liked the angel/bat picture...so I thought I would share.